


I Was Born This Way

by Sheetmusicjunkie



Series: nonbinary adventures [1]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Nonbinary Character, Other, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-29
Updated: 2014-07-23
Packaged: 2018-02-06 15:44:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1863351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sheetmusicjunkie/pseuds/Sheetmusicjunkie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leonard McCoy was a man, sort of, most of the time, it was too hard to explain to himself let alone other people that his gender didn't exist in any of the two boxes that he had grown up believing in.  He had spent his entire life running away and hiding from his demons, trying anything to feel like his skin belonged to him. He had finally found something close to peace, a body that was his most of the time, and a best friend and roommate, Jim Kirk, who didn't care one way or another who bones wanted to sleep with or what his pronouns were "Bones, you're my friend, that's all that matters to me" he would say. So after all this time how's he going to handle it when Hikaru Sulu charms his way into Bones' life?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. You're an ass Jim

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was inspired by the lack of nonbinary fiction floating around this fandom, as a nonbinary person I really wanted to write some amazing romance from our perspective dealing with dysphoria and the challenges of coming out to people and being accepted. Please leave comments, questions or advice at the end!
> 
> I want to give special thanks to actualmenacebuckybarnes on Tumblr for their amazing support and all the time they spent plotting with me on this fic! I could not do it without you! Check out their blog!! It's amazing!

“Come on Bones are you ever gonna forgive me?” Jim whined from where he was sprawled over Bones’ bed like an overgrown dog. The other man was standing in the door to the bathroom, steam billowing out behind him, vigorously drying his hair with one hand while the other held a towel up around his waist in a white knuckled grip. His scowl deepened with Jim’s words, making the lines in his forehead more prominent.

“No you arrogant child!” he spat, picking up a shoe and tossing it at his friends, fat blonde head “of all the idiotic things you do Jim, this really takes the cake.” A second shoe followed the first, hitting its target properly this time on the forehead. Jim blinked, his mouth falling open a little; he sat in stunned silence for a moment before sitting up and lobbing the regulation shoe back at him where it smacked against his shoulder.

“You could have said no! I didn’t force you to come with me last night Bones!” Jim shouted, standing up

Bones ran a hand through his hair, turning and opening the dresser on his side of the room with an angry jerk, “and what could I do huh? Leave? Go study while you ran off to an Orion brothel by yourself?” he rummaged for a pair of underwear, why were all of his underwear black? “and then have to find you two days later on the street somewhere; dehydrated and half mad from sex pheromones?” he gave up on any pretense of modesty, dropping the towel from around his waist to step into a pair of boxers. “Lord knows what kind of STDs you would have ended up with, deadly, life-threatening STDs, loose your eyesight or your dick. Although lord knows that would be fantastic karma.” he continued to grumble as he turned and searched for a clean uniform; he would make do with burning the other one he had been wearing the night before.

Jim rolled his eyes and flung his arms out at his sides “Look I’m sorry, for the hundredth time I am sorry; do you want it in writing or something?” Jim sighed, plopping back down on the mattress and picking at the bedspread absently as he stared up at Bones with the saddest pout he could muster. At an earlier time in their friendship Bones would have felt sorry for the bastard, but by this point he was well aware that it was an act and Jim was just as likely to repeat his mistakes over and over again until someone got hurt. It made every doctor instinct within him cringe and want to strangle his friend at the same time. He pulled a white binder out of the top drawer of his dresser, his anger cooling a little. At least no one got hurt.

“You’re an idiot Jim” Bones grumbled, stepping into his binder and pulling it up, wriggling a little and pulling the straps up, giving a little sigh and adjusting himself before running his hands over his now flat chest, there was nothing that felt better. It had felt like magic the first time he put a binder on; in the space of a few seconds it suddenly felt like he was that much closer to being at home in his own skin. He remembered standing in front of the bathroom mirror at his parents place all those years ago, too shocked to cry as he did the exact same thing he was doing now, running his hands over a miraculously flat chest. He was 15 and had ordered it online, shaking the entire time; if his parents found out they would beat him and send him off to reform school, where they would make him grow his hair out and squeeze him into dresses and browbeat the “word of the lord” into him and he would die, slowly. He had panicked when he had come home from school to find the box in his father’s hands. His parents didn’t snoop but his father would want to know what he had ordered. Bones had claimed it was “girly stuff” thanking god for the man’s phobia of all things not manly when he practically thrown it at him; Bones waited until everyone had gone to bed, unable to focus on anything else but too afraid that someone would see. He had torn the tape while holding his breath, opened the box gingerly, it was beautiful, a simple black binder, nothing had ever looked or felt as that moment did; it was defining. Testosterone treatments came three years later at medical school. The rest was blissful history.

Jim grinned, flopping backwards on his friends bed again, if the man had a tail he would have been wagging it. “Does that mean I’m forgiven then?” Bones snorted as he finished pulling on his uniform, he really hated the ugly red uniforms, who on earth decided that Starfleets uniforms were going to be the most obnoxious shade of red known to man?

“You wish, jerk” he grumbled, giving himself a once over in the mirror, “I should make you do my laundry for the next month.” He parted his hair precisely to one side, fixing an errant strand here or there before grabbing his boots from where they had landed on the floor earlier and plopping down on his bed, nudging Jim to one side with a huff “I have clinic hours until after midnight, try to do something useful with your day will you?” He asked, turning and shooting a grin at his friend as tugged on the black regulation boots. As a medical officer in training who was already a doctor, something that was not as unusual as it sounded; Bones’ required classes were mostly to get him familiar with Starfleet, all of the military protocol he wasn’t accustomed to, and the more obscure alien anatomy he needed to brush up on. The rest of his time was spent at the Academy clinic getting his field hours taken care of, which he personally thought was ridiculous. The hours were insane and the work was even worse, the shit cadets managed to get themselves into was the most baffling thing the doctor had ever seen in his life. So while Jim got his Fridays and afternoons off to go gallivanting around every bar, party and rave in a 100 mile radius Bones was getting his shoes thrown up on and finding creative ways to unstick cadets from each other, when would they learn that lube turned to glue when exposed to certain kinds of body chemistry? They handed out pamphlets all over campus for Christ’s sake!

“Useful? I’m always useful Bones, I’m like a multi tool.” Jim blathered, turning and hanging his head off the edge of the bed, propping his bare feet up on the wall. “Don’t trust me with your laundry anyway I would mess it all up.”

“Excuses excuses” Bones chided as he finished tying his boots; he stood up after elbowing his friend one more time for good measure. “You probably don’t even know how to fold, you infant” Grabbing his med kit off of his desk he moved to the door, pausing as it opened with a swish “and if you’re going to mess up my bed like that at least have the decency to make it again before I get back.” This was an argument they had been having since they had been assigned a dorm together over a year ago. (Although Bones was of the theory that Jim had bribed someone so they would end up with a dorm together for the sake of Bones’ privacy.) More often than not, Bones lost, but this time he had a plan.

“Whatcha gonna do about it if I don’t, mother?” Jim lifted his chin, trying to look defiant as he could with all the blood rushing to his head. 

Bones raised an eyebrow “who knows, living with a doctor and all, you might spontaneously wake up one morning with a Fantinian skin disease” He said casually, leaning against the door jam and examining his fingernails. “Awful stuff, makes your skin swell up and break out in hives, especially on the face.”

Jim sat up quickly, eyes wide “you wouldn’t” 

Bones put a hand to his chest, feigning innocence “I would never! But you know there’s a… rash of it breaking out around campus right now” he snickered “and you know… we might just run out of vaccine for it.” He winked at his friend as he slipped out the door.

“BONES!!”

He laughed all the way to the clinic.


	2. That was not a dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Cadet Laurel shot Cadet Johnson in the thigh with a crossbow, Laurel claims Johnson had attacked them first and has some very interesting bruises to show for it.” Bones got even more tired as he said it, thinking back to the pair of screeching cadets that had both tried to tell their story at the same time while one of them bleeding all over his clinic uniform. Johnson at one point started molting from the stress of it all, he’d had to sedate them both and call their commanding officers “how on earth they got their drunken ass hands on a crossbow is beyond me” he stood up and stretched, his back cracking in a series audible pops. “But it’s going to cause me a whole lot of paperwork.” The nurse chuckled at him again, shaking her head as she handed him another PADD with his next patient file on it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sulu asks Bones out and Bones maybe internally freaks out? Thank you to everyone who read and commented on my fic last time! 
> 
> Leave comments, questions, or anything like that please?!

It was 11pm, or 23:00 by military time and even though he had at least two hours left in his shift Bones was ready to go home and put on his pajamas. He did this all the time; Jim wanted to go out all night, come back to the dorms and crash for a few hours before going to class while Bones got tired of people who were not injured after half an hour, they all talked too much. He was happiest watching old crime dramas and zoning out on his homework or actually working with patients who really needed his help. Just because he was a doctor did not mean he was a people person, Jim called him withdrawn, he preferred to think of it as being introverted.

“If I have to deal with another frat mistake I’m going to shoot someone with a sedative” Bones grumbled as he leaned against the counter of the nurses station. “Probably myself.”  
The nurse at the desk, a tiny woman who looked just as frazzled as Bones felt laughed quietly at him “Cheer up, its hazing and rush week combined, this will calm down by the end of the month.” She patted distractedly at her hair, which was falling out of a loose bun in a way that bothered Bones half to death. The late night nurses’ hair were always flying out of ponytails and getting pulled by drunk patients, braids coming undone, it had been driving him mad for months. He had a little personal experience with long hair after all and knew he could fix their problems with a few bobby pins, some hair spray and a couple of tight braids. The problem was he didn’t have the slightest idea of how he could casually bring it up without explaining himself, so he bit his lip and never said anything. “What was it this time anyway?” She asked, looking back up at him.

"Cadet Laurel shot Cadet Johnson in the thigh with a crossbow, Laurel claims Johnson had attacked them first and has some very interesting bruises to show for it.” Bones got even more tired as he said it, thinking back to the pair of screeching cadets that had both tried to tell their story at the same time while one of them bleeding all over his clinic uniform. Johnson at one point started molting from the stress of it all, he’d had to sedate them both and call their commanding officers “how on earth they got their drunken ass hands on a crossbow is beyond me” he stood up and stretched, his back cracking in a series audible pops. “But it’s going to cause me a whole lot of paperwork.” The nurse chuckled at him again, shaking her head as she handed him another PADD with his next patient file on it.

“Take a breather with this one; two cadets, Sulu and Chekov, looks like food poisoning.” She rattled off as he swiped open the file. “This is probably going to be pretty routine and tame compared to your last patients.” Bones raised his eyebrows as he scanned over the electronic charts in his hand, noting a few information gaps here and there.

“Species?” He asked, tapping across the screen distractedly.

“Human” she handed off a couple of PADDs to another nurse and managed to reach over and snatch the old chart from where it was tucked under Bones’ arm. “They’re already in room twenty waiting for you.”

Bones grinned at her “what would I do without you?” 

“Burn down the clinic on accident probably” She replied flatly, waving a hand at him; there was no questioning her, she was right and she knew it. “Now go and do some doctoring,” She commanded, already typing away at the computer in front of her “and work on your bedside manner a little will you? You’re getting yourself a reputation”

Bones covered his mouth in mock indignation, “Me? A reputation? The horror.” He winked as he picked up his med kit, turning neatly on one heel and starting down the hallway “by the way, tell someone to clean up the feathers in room ten.” He called over his shoulder as he rounded the corner.

~

Bones was hit with a retching sound, followed by a smell that was far to familiar to him as soon as he opened the door to the exam room. His head snapped up from where it had been buried in the PADD he was met with the sight of two cadets, one of them a kid with curly blonde hair who was leaned over with most of his head stuck in a bucket; the source of the sound and smell. The second one, a serious young man with black hair was patting the first man’s back, managing to look both vaguely worried and amused at the same time. “Chekov and Sulu?” Bones asked, gaining the attention of the second man, who straightened up, giving him a slight nod. 

“Sulu” he said, clasping his hands behind him in parade rest, eyes briefly flickering over Bones from his head to his shoes before focusing forward. 

Bones rubbed a hand over his forehead, his head hurt and by this point of the night he was very tired of vomit in all its shapes forms and smells. He was going to be scrubbing it out of his skin for days as it was. “Sulu, right. So uh… what happened here?” He waved a hand in the general direction the heaving cadet, a pang of sympathy going through him for the kid.

Sulu frowned slightly, his posture stiffening “my friend here ate some bad curry,” he shot a glance at Chekov, the corners of his mouth twitching downwards as he forcibly relaxed his posture into something more casual. Bones followed the shift of defined shoulders under the god awful uniform, he made it look good despite the unflattering cut. “We got all the way back to the dorms before he said he didn’t feel good” 

Bones shook himself out of his reverie “Well I don’t think there’s much that I can do but let me take a look.” Bones tucked the PADD under his arm and stepped over to Chekov; who had stopped vomiting for the moment but was still holding his head in the bucket, his shoulders shaking. “Alright kid, do you think you can lift your head for me for a second?” Sulu hovered in the background as the blonde head lifted out of the bucket and Bones got a good look at the blue eyed, blond haired cadet who didn’t look a day over twelve. He sighed, taking a small pen light out of his pocket and shining it into the kids eyes, watching as his pupils dilated appropriately. “follow my finger with your eyes” Chekov nodded, tracking his finger without problem. “Now, how old are you son?” he asked, turning to pull a tricorder out of a drawer. 

“Fifteen sir” Chekov’s voice was a little deeper than expected and heavily accented (Russian probably?) He was incredibly pale and wobbled slightly where he sat on the exam table, the plastic covering squeaking with every shift of his weight. 

“They just keep recruiting younger and younger” Bones muttered as he scanned the kid, “can you tell me what happened?” He kept the nurses advice in mind and tried to gentle his tone as he spoke, glancing down at his readings with a carefully unimpressed face. Chekov nodded, opening his mouth before closing it again, he turned faintly green, made an aborted motion for his bucket before abruptly leaning forward and puking towards the floor.

The room was quiet for a moment with the exception of Chekov’s returned heaving; Bones sighed, closing his eyes and pressing his lips together in an attempt to quell the sudden prick of frustrated tears at the back of his eyes. He could feel the wet warmth of bodily fluids seeping through his socks and pants. It had been a long day and between the string of shitty, drunk, angry patients and sleep deprivation from the night before Bones didn’t really know if he wanted to punch someone or curl up somewhere and cry. Unfortunately he didn’t have the choice of doing either and instead reached over and handed the cadet his bucket, rubbing a hand briefly over Chekov’s shaking shoulders. He turned to Sulu, who was standing with his arm outstretched as if he had been trying to grab something, his eyes were wide and his mouth hung open a little. “Your friend has food poisoning” his voice sounded gruff and tired even to his own ears. “He’s um… a little dehydrated but he should be fine.”

Sulu nodded dumbly, staring at Bones for a moment before straightening, he glanced off to the side and cleared his throat “is there… are you okay?” he asked, clenching his hand into a fist and putting it down by his side. Bones pressed his lips together the corners of his mouth turning down into a grimace, he opted to ignore that question; there were too many things that had the potential to go wrong if he opened his mouth. He turned away and reached over into another drawer, pulling out a hypospray, using his sleeve to wipe moisture from the corners of his eyes. He deftly tore open the plastic packaging, placed a hand on Chekov’s shoulder and pressed the medication into the cadets neck as gently as he could. It released with a sharp hiss that made Bones feel just a little better; if he couldn’t control anything at least he could help.

“That’s a sedative that will help with the nausea as well, unfortunately there’s nothing I can really do about the dehydration.” Bones stepped back, snapping off his gloves and trying to repossess some of his professionalism. “Just make sure he gets plenty of fluids when he wakes up” He glanced down and fiddled with the controls on the tricorder, sending the data over to his PADD and into Chekov’s file before the device reset itself. Sulu took a couple steps forward, supporting his friend as his eyes slipped slowly closed and he began to tilt sideways. 

“Are sedatives supposed to work this fast?” Sulu asked, draping the other cadet’s arm over his shoulders, his brows furrowing in concern. 

Bones turned and looked over at the pair for a moment, his mouth twisting thoughtfully “I don’t really think it means anything but let me double check.” He punched a button on the tricorder, waving it carefully over Chekov for a second time that night. Bones glanced down at the results and shrugged before dropping the device on the counter with casual disregard. “Normally they take a little longer but considering how empty his stomach is and how small he is I wouldn’t be too concerned.” He glanced over to Sulu and was startled to find the cadet staring back at him with an intensely serious, concentrated expression that made Bones’ heart beat speed up. It threw him off balance to be so close to someone he was genuinely attracted to. It had been a long time since he had actually paid enough attention to anyone to find them desirable. It was not as if he didn’t find people attractive, he was human after all. But he had been so consumed the last few years between medical school, hormone transitions, and then Starfleet that the very idea of a relationship had been out of the question. After settling into a comfortable routine the past year had been relatively peaceful. Or at least as peaceful as being Jim Kirks roommate would allow. Now it seemed he had picked the worst time possible to notice other people again; Jim was never going to let it go when he found out.

He broke eye contact and cleared his throat once more “anyway, lets see if we can get you guys out of here.” He positioned himself at Chekov’s other side and between doctor and cadet the pair of them managed to maneuver the unconscious man out to the lobby with little difficulty. Bones thanked every cosmic being in the galaxy that Sulu refrained from asking any more questions. 

The nurse at the front desk stood up when she saw them “What happened?” she asked, 

“Nothing big Lisa, he needed a sedative but he’s too small to take an adult dose, it knocked him out instead.” He and Sulu passed the kid off to a couple of nurses “call one of the transport cars will you?” He leaned on the counter and watched as Chekov was easily picked up and carried out of the clinic. 

“You never answered my question”

Bones startled and turned to look at Sulu, who was standing a few feet away with his head cocked slightly to the side. “uh.. which question?” he frowned, quirking his eyebrows and trying to recall what he had been asked. 

Sulu shifted a little, his mouth lifting into a small smile, “I asked earlier if you were okay” he gestured down to the stained pants and wet shoes “you seemed upset.”

Bones shoved his hands into his pockets and rocked back on his heels, suddenly very aware of every wrinkle and mark on his uniform and lab coat. “Ah… that. Yeah it was nothing.” He ran a hand through his hair and looked off to the side, avoiding eye contact. 

“It must have been something” Sulu persisted, leaning forward to try and catch his gaze. 

Damn he was persistent, Bones rubbed the back of his head and glanced over at the cadet. “It’s been a long day, lots of frat mistakes gone wrong. Lots of..” he waved down towards his shoes “that. I had to go bail my roommate out of a bad deal last night and didn’t get a lot of sleep, I have a paper due on Friday that I haven’t even started yet.” He shrugged and tried to smile but it probably came out as more of a grimace instead.

Sulu gave a low whistle “Sounds like a tough week” he paused and bit his lip, he looked almost indecisive, or maybe nervous? Bones couldn’t tell. “Maybe you could let me take you out to dinner to make up for it.” He reached up and tugged at his earlobe, shooting a sideways look at Bones that was a mixture hope and anxiety that looked horribly attractive on the other man. 

Bones was struck speechless for a moment, was this guy actually asking him out? Like on a date? He floundered and spit out the first thing that came to mind. “To make up for what?”  
Sulu blinked, and his face split into a slow smile “to make up for the shoes that my friend ruined of course.” His voice was as warm as his smile and Bones felt a little heat flutter at the bottom of his stomach at the notion, he couldn’t help but grin back.

“Alright Mr. Sulu, I believe I’ll have to take you up on that offer.” He held out a hand to the other man. Sulu had a firm grip and warm hands as he clasped Bones’ hand in both of his.  
“It’s a date then, and please call me Hikaru” He held on for a moment longer before releasing the other mans hand. “I’ll COMM you later and we can set up a time okay?” Bones felt himself nod as Sulu (Hikaru now) shot him one last grin as he exited the lobby. 

Bones leaned on the nurses station, his face split into a grin, “Lisa” he murmured, dazedly handing the giggling nurse the PADDs in his hand. “Did I just hallucinate that? Or do I have a date?” 

“I believe” she giggled as she placed the PADD into its proper place “that you have a date, doctor.”

“Holy shit” he murmured, “I have a date”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't hesitate to tell me what you think! Thank you so much!

**Author's Note:**

> So Bones is nb in this fic, and I am basing a lot of this off of my own personal experiences but I do not take T and I don't bind for long periods of time. If anyone in the nb community is willing to give me some advice on how to properly write some of this my URL on Tumblr is yogaobssesive and my anon is on. PLEASE leave comments!


End file.
